Tag: relationship (Page 2 of 2)

Being Present

This week has gone by so fast. My cousin A was supposed to visit on Monday, but she got a nasty stomach bug on Sunday and couldn’t travel after all. We had made a restaurant reservation for Monday evening that we decided to keep even though she couldn’t make it. We figured it could be an impromptu date night, and I was quite looking forward to it all day. It turned out okay: food was good if not great, and we had the place mostly to ourselves, but something was off about the evening. It felt like M’s thoughts were elsewhere, and I just felt invisible. It left a bad taste in my mouth, and once we got home, I let myself get totally distracted by chatting with a friend online instead of spending time with M for about an hour, after which we proceeded to watch the latest episode of The Walking Dead as we had agreed earlier. The evening wasn’t a bad one by any means, but neither was it what we had expected.

I woke up insanely grumpy on Tuesday, and couldn’t really put my finger on it. It took me pretty much the whole day to figure it out, and once M came home from work, we finally took a moment to talk about it. I told him about having been disappointed by the restaurant portion of our “date night”, and he told me much the same about what came after. We both felt better afterwards, and decided to give it another go on Saturday.

The rest of the week until the weekend was exhausting, and on Friday evening I was so beat that I went to bed quite a bit earlier than normally and slept like the dead. Saturday, however, was perfect. Lots and lots of extremely good together-time, yummy Chinese food and a movie we both enjoyed. But the best part was, we were both there, present, focused on each other. Such a huge difference compared to Monday.

It’s so easy to get distracted by everyday things. We both have a lot of things going on that have relatively little to do with our relationship with each other, and we spend the majority of every day apart because of work, my language course, our hobbies, and our friends. Not to mention the occasional alone time we both require. It’s easy to accidentally bring that disconnect into our time together as well, but I think for us to stay happy together, we really need to try and not let that happen. Saturday was living proof of how incredibly good it can be when we succeed.

34

I used to write a birthday post every year, as a type of “looking back” thing. My birthday is sufficiently close to the start of the year that I could easily make it about summarising the old year, the way people often do at around the start of a new one. I think it’s a nice tradition, and a useful one, too. I forget things so easily, and looking back can give necessary perspective.

So, my 33 was chaotic, to say the least. I don’t remember much of the start of the year. I was looking for a job and had been for half a year by that point, and it seemed like there was no resolution in sight. I was desperately in love with someone who lived far away from me, and sometimes the only thing that seemed to keep me sane was the counter ticking towards our next meeting (which were months apart). I also worked out fairly actively back then, which was another sanity-reinforcing thing in my life.

Things changed abruptly when I applied for a job in Denmark in late June, and was interviewed and accepted in early July. Suddenly I needed to move my entire existence from Finland to Denmark within a month, not to mention move in with someone I knew well, but had only met a handful of times. I couldn’t have done it without the absolutely invaluable (including financial…) help from my parents, and all my dear friends who pitched in as well. That one month was stressful beyond belief, but somehow it all worked out, and by the end of July I had moved to Denmark. The next week I started at my current job.

It has been an adjustment, for sure. The first months were a blur of trying to get all the necessary paperwork taken care of, learning the job, unpacking a life’s worth of things and fitting them into an apartment that already housed someone else’s life, healing hurts (including a nasty infection on my second week here, and a toenail I managed to partially rip off while unpacking things), starting the language course to learn Danish (twice, because they put me in an advanced class first, when I didn’t speak a word yet…), and not least, learning to fit our lives together with M, who has been amazing through it all, I have to say. As has his family, who took me in with open arms.

Eventually things have settled down more. My work contract got renewed at the start of the year, so for now, employment is secure. It’s not a job I want to spend the rest of my life doing, but it sure beats unemployment, and I have a great group of colleagues I enjoy seeing every day. (I got several different happy birthday songs today in Danish, Swedish, Norwegian and even Somali from my colleagues, which was surprising and extremely delightful.) I’m starting to learn Danish, although I still find it very challenging, and it’s going to be a long road before I’m anywhere near fluency. I’ve even taken my first somewhat floundering steps towards physical activity again, after six months of no regular exercise of any kind (besides riding the bike to get from one place to another). And M and I… We fit together. We make each other happier than we are alone, and we’re both pretty happy alone, too.

I miss my friends and family sometimes, but I’m home now. It’s not an entirely familiar home, but it feels right, and I haven’t regretted the choice I made to come here.

As for what I’d like from my 34:

  • Basic fluency in Danish, i.e. the ability to run regular errands and hold a conversation without needing to resort to English much or at all.
  • Regular exercise routine that I find enjoyable and sustainable.
  • More good times with M. I’m especially looking forward to my first Danish summer!
  • Friends’ visits. I already have two scheduled, and hopefully there will be more.
  • Visiting Finland in turn.
  • Learning my way around Aarhus more, so I can find nice places to visit/shop in (and take other people, too), get a library card and other things I still don’t have.

Come what may, I’m looking forward to it!

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