Tag: work

34

I used to write a birthday post every year, as a type of “looking back” thing. My birthday is sufficiently close to the start of the year that I could easily make it about summarising the old year, the way people often do at around the start of a new one. I think it’s a nice tradition, and a useful one, too. I forget things so easily, and looking back can give necessary perspective.

So, my 33 was chaotic, to say the least. I don’t remember much of the start of the year. I was looking for a job and had been for half a year by that point, and it seemed like there was no resolution in sight. I was desperately in love with someone who lived far away from me, and sometimes the only thing that seemed to keep me sane was the counter ticking towards our next meeting (which were months apart). I also worked out fairly actively back then, which was another sanity-reinforcing thing in my life.

Things changed abruptly when I applied for a job in Denmark in late June, and was interviewed and accepted in early July. Suddenly I needed to move my entire existence from Finland to Denmark within a month, not to mention move in with someone I knew well, but had only met a handful of times. I couldn’t have done it without the absolutely invaluable (including financial…) help from my parents, and all my dear friends who pitched in as well. That one month was stressful beyond belief, but somehow it all worked out, and by the end of July I had moved to Denmark. The next week I started at my current job.

It has been an adjustment, for sure. The first months were a blur of trying to get all the necessary paperwork taken care of, learning the job, unpacking a life’s worth of things and fitting them into an apartment that already housed someone else’s life, healing hurts (including a nasty infection on my second week here, and a toenail I managed to partially rip off while unpacking things), starting the language course to learn Danish (twice, because they put me in an advanced class first, when I didn’t speak a word yet…), and not least, learning to fit our lives together with M, who has been amazing through it all, I have to say. As has his family, who took me in with open arms.

Eventually things have settled down more. My work contract got renewed at the start of the year, so for now, employment is secure. It’s not a job I want to spend the rest of my life doing, but it sure beats unemployment, and I have a great group of colleagues I enjoy seeing every day. (I got several different happy birthday songs today in Danish, Swedish, Norwegian and even Somali from my colleagues, which was surprising and extremely delightful.) I’m starting to learn Danish, although I still find it very challenging, and it’s going to be a long road before I’m anywhere near fluency. I’ve even taken my first somewhat floundering steps towards physical activity again, after six months of no regular exercise of any kind (besides riding the bike to get from one place to another). And M and I… We fit together. We make each other happier than we are alone, and we’re both pretty happy alone, too.

I miss my friends and family sometimes, but I’m home now. It’s not an entirely familiar home, but it feels right, and I haven’t regretted the choice I made to come here.

As for what I’d like from my 34:

  • Basic fluency in Danish, i.e. the ability to run regular errands and hold a conversation without needing to resort to English much or at all.
  • Regular exercise routine that I find enjoyable and sustainable.
  • More good times with M. I’m especially looking forward to my first Danish summer!
  • Friends’ visits. I already have two scheduled, and hopefully there will be more.
  • Visiting Finland in turn.
  • Learning my way around Aarhus more, so I can find nice places to visit/shop in (and take other people, too), get a library card and other things I still don’t have.

Come what may, I’m looking forward to it!

Of Hopelessness

I’m starting work tomorrow. It’s been a year since I last had a job, and I quite miss it. I have no idea if I’ll enjoy the actual work or not, but at least it offers the opportunity to learn new things, form new social contacts and generally just have routines in each day, and I welcome all that. Not to mention the ability to earn a living, which is obviously extremely important on its own.

If there is one thing I’d like to avoid from now on, it’s unemployment. I don’t know anything quite as soul-sapping as the hollow feeling of browsing job ads one by one, desperately hoping to find something that is even remotely applicable to your own qualifications and coming up empty again and again. Of course, there are the few exceptions when you find something, write an application for it and for a while you feel like you actually accomplished something worthwhile again – only to receive the dreaded “thank you but no thank you” email in your inbox some days or weeks later. Back to square one. Back to feeling utterly worthless.

It spreads everywhere after a while. As the number on your bank account dwindles, you narrow down your choices little by little. No more shopping for anything but the bare necessities, and even those should be a cheap brand or on discount. You don’t really need cheese on your bread, after all. It’s also best to not meet your friends in the city centre, because that means expenses you can’t really afford, or squirming when they offer to pay instead. Buying presents becomes a nightmare, because you can’t really afford anything anyone would want. If anything breaks, you really need to consider whether you can’t actually survive without it. Repairing or replacing it might well be beyond your means. It’s not real deprivation; not yet. It’s just a slow slide towards the tears in society’s fabric where ultimately you’ll end up incapable of affecting your situation anymore. That way lays hunger, mental and physical illness, and isolation.

I didn’t fall that far. I still had options by the time my soon-to-be employer said yes instead of no thank you. You have no idea how grateful of that I am.

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